New Test! Who’s a Republican?

James Bopp, Jr., a Republican National Committeeman from Indiana, is circulating a resolution to create a test to see if you are a Republican. To pass, you have to get at least eight correct answers. Let’s see how I do…

  1. We support smaller government, smaller national debt, lower deficits and lower taxes by opposing bills like Obama’s “stimulus” bill;
    • My Answer: Yeah, um, but supporting Bush’s “stimulus” was OK?
    • Score: -1 for sarcasm
    • My Comment: I’m not starting out well
  2. We support market-based health care reform and oppose Obama-style government run healthcare;
    • My Answer:Uh, you guys know that there is no competative market in the health insurance industry, right?
    • Score: -1
    • My Comment: Oh, you’re just going to bury your heads in the sand on this one?
  3. We support market-based energy reforms by opposing cap and trade legislation;
    • My Answer:Hmmm, ‘cap and trade’ smells fishy to me but…
    • Score: -1
    • My Comment: HEY! You didn’t even let me finish!
  4. We support workers’ right to secret ballot by opposing card check;
    • My Answer:I’ll go with that
    • Score: +1
    • My Comment: OHHH!, OHHH!, I got one right!
  5. We support legal immigration and assimilation into American society by opposing amnesty for illegal immigrants;
    • My Answer:You know Ronald Regan granted amnesty to 3 million illegals, right?
    • Score: -1
    • My Comment: Oh come on!
  6. We support victory in Iraq and Afghanistan by supporting military-recommended troop surges;
    • My Answer:Let’s just have the military run the show because, you know, they have all the secret intelligence (no, that would be the CIA) and all the diplomatic angles covered, right?
    • Score: -1
    • My Comment: You guys are bat-shit crazy.
  7. We support containment of Iran and North Korea, particularly effective action to eliminate their nuclear weapons threat;
    • My Answer:Absolutely.
    • Score: +1
  8. We support retention of the Defense of Marriage Act;
    • My Answer:Fuck you.
    • Score: -1
    • My Comment: Maybe you guys should spend more time defending your own marriages.
  9. We support protecting the lives of vulnerable persons by opposing health care rationing and denial of health care and government funding of abortion;
    • My Answer:I’m not really sure what you are getting at here, the current health insurance system we have already imposes rationing and routinely victimizes ‘vulnerable persons’, so what, are you suggested a government run solution where no one is denied treatment?
    • Score: -1
    • My Comment: Oops, my bad, I forgot that I’m not supposed to ask any questions, sorry.
  10. We support the right to keep and bear arms by opposing government restrictions on gun ownership;
    • My Answer:Oh, hey, you should read the constitution, the first part is totally in there! Would it be OK to support the restriction of gun ownership for people in jail?
    • Score: -1
    • My Comment: Shit.

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